By: Joel Monterosa
Here at Auburn Adventist Academy, a student can’t walk down the hall without being greeted to a good morning by everyone’s favorite Wars teacher: Joe Underhill. Over the years of his service at the Academy, he has earned the respect and admiration of many students, alumni, and fellow staff members for his wisdom. This, my fellow students, is what first alerted me to Underhill’s duplicity. His wisdom and cunning seem almost uncanny as if he was old enough to have experienced any given situation himself. After some brainstorming, I reasoned that there could be only one explanation: Joseph Underhill is a leprechaun.
As preposterous a statement as it sounds, there are several pieces of key information that make it all too clear. First, his country of origin. Underhill is of Irish descent, meaning that it’s all the more likely for him to be a leprechaun. Second, his wisdom beyond his years. The easiest explanation for this phenomenon is that his wisdom is actually very much WITHIN his years. Leprechauns are said to live for around 300 years! His knowledge of history may be more experience than just a lesson! Last but not least, his tremendous authority in contrast to his height. Underhill has a very commanding presence that demands respect which is in direct contrast to his stature. This could only be possible through leprechaun magic!
I took this question to the streets of AAA to see what other information I could find. When asked whether he believed Underhill is a leprechaun, Ethan Heisler responded with, “100%, dude. I’ve been saying that for years.” It seems that many people have had their suspicions, as Ruby Andreassen simply stated, “Yes, he is.” Coach Steve Martin provided valuable insight, saying, “That all depends on whether there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, which would require there to be said leprechaun. The answer is much like the chicken and the egg.” This opened up a new question: Where does Underhill keep his pot of gold? Christian Wallace had an interesting theory. “It’s probably hidden in his ‘no’ button with some kind of leprechaun magic.” When Tyler and Tyson Hensley were presented with the idea of stealing Underhill’s pot of gold, they quickly agreed. Kara Heisler, however, denied the idea stating that “Underhill is a scary leprechaun.”
Underhill’s possible mythical origins will continue to be researched and evaluated. In the meantime, don’t forget to say hi to AAA’s very own Joe Underhill.
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